I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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