i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
