I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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