i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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