Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
