I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
