Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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