You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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