she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
