We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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