I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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