wat bout pragnant strippers??
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
