And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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