If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
