i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
