tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
