So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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