all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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