I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
