some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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