the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
