Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
