1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
