she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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