He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sarcasm needs its own font
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
