It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
