just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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