I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
