good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
