apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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