I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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