420 ftw
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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