I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
