My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
