Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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