Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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