I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
