Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't turn off my feet"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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