about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
