Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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