Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
