Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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