i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
