Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
