I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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