I puked a lego.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
