I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize