dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
