So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
