Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize