My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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