No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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