I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
