I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
