If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
