it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
