I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
