Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
