Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
