only you would photoshop your dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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