The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
