I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
