It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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